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How to Write a New York Times Op-Ed in Three Easy Steps!

Today we’ll talk about how to write a New York Times op-ed in 45 minutes or less. We all like labor-saving tips!

The main point to keep in mind is that your op-ed is not intended to elucidate, educate or amuse. These are status pieces meant to strike a pose, signaling that you are a good person.

After reading your op-ed, readers should feel the warm sensation of being superior to other people — those who don’t agree with you. The idea is to be in fashion. It’s all about attitude, heavy on eye-rolling.

(1) Psychoanalyze conservatives as paranoid and insecure. Liberals — who, to a man, have been in psychoanalysis — enjoy putting people they disagree with on the operating table and performing a vivisection, as if conservatives are some lower life form.

Thus, for example, an op-ed in this week’s Times by Arthur Goldwag was titled “Putting Donald Trump on the Couch.”

This should not be confused with Justin A. Frank’s 2004 book, “Bush on the Couch,” offering a detailed diagnosis of Bush’s alleged mental disorders.

Nor should it be confused with a column that went up on Daily Kos the day after I wrote this column, psychoanalyzing me. (I’m just glad I snubbed the guy in high school.)

Goldwag explained: “Mr. Trump’s angry certainty …”

Let’s pause right here. I am obsessed with Donald Trump. I wish I could cancel my book tour and just lie in bed watching his speeches all day long. I’m like a lovesick teenager studying Justin Bieber videos. And I’ve never seen Trump look angry.

(Goldwag continued) ” … that immigrants and other losers are destroying the country while the cultural elites that look down on him stand by and do nothing resonates strongly with the less-educated, lower-income whites who appear to be his base.”

Yes, Trump’s base are “less-educated.” This is as opposed to Democratic voters, who couldn’t figure out how to fill in a Florida ballot in 2000.

True, writing like this will expose your own gigantic paranoia at being excluded from historic WASP America. If you start obsessing over the Augusta National Golf Club (as the Times did for one solid decade), people will naturally begin to suspect that you’re resentful toward traditional American culture.

But I am not giving lessons in self-esteem here. I’m trying to help you dash off an op-ed in record time. Psychoanalysis has been liberals’ go-to move forever.

Following the 1964 presidential election, the American Psychiatric Association was forced to issue “the Goldwater rule,” prohibiting shrinks from psychoanalyzing people they’d never met, after a few thousand of them had issued their professional opinion that Barry Goldwater was nuts. (A “frightened person,” “paranoid,” “grossly psychotic” and a “megalomaniac.”)

Some Times writer probably produced an op-ed calling Calvin Coolidge “paranoid.”

It’s not very interesting, but, again, the sole purpose of your op-ed is to assure the status-anxious that they are better than other people.

(2) The perfect hack phrase is to say conservatives are “frightened of the country changing around them.”

Examples:

— “The Tea Party, to be most benign about it, is primarily white, it is witnessing a country changing around it. It feels angry, feels — the diversity.” — Katrina Vanden Heuvel, MSNBC, May 24, 2012

(You want angry? Go to an Al Sharpton rally.)

— “Old white guys (are) caught in a demographic vice, right? (They) are frankly a little nervous, right? The country is changing around them. … The country is becoming more brown, and more — younger. And the values are changing. Gay rights, women are working. I mean all of these things are happening and they are not quite sure what to do.” — Jamal Simmons, MSNBC, June 15, 2013

— “I don’t think these are organized hate groups. These are, by and large, more or less everyday citizens who are very fearful of the way the world is changing around them.” — Mark Potok, (spokesman for the country’s leading hate group, the Southern Poverty Law Center) in “Changing World Draws Racist Backlash,” The Philadelphia Tribune, June 28, 2010

I thought it was a nice gesture that Mark admitted that conservatives are not “organized hate groups.” We owe you one, Mark! You’re a super guy.

(3) Call conservatives “aggrieved” as often as possible. Yes, this from the party of reparations, #BlackLivesMatter, comparable worth, “Lean In,” the DREAM Act and so on. If the Democratic Party were a reality TV show, it would be called “America’s Got Grievances!”

Examples:

— “‘We don’t have victories anymore,’ Mr. Trump told those deeply aggrieved Americans in June.” — Arthur Goldwag, op-ed: “Putting Donald Trump on the Couch,” The New York Times, Sept. 1, 2015

— “Mr. Bush has to win over a fair chunk of the aggrieved, frightened Trump voters.” — New York Times editorial, Aug. 26, 2015

— “You have this aggrieved conservative industry that makes their money by being aggrieved.” — John Feehery, Republican spokesman for former Speaker J. Dennis Hastert, quoted in New York Times, Jan. 15, 2015

You’re doing this not just for the $75 you’ll make for writing a Times op-ed. Dreadful hacks meet a need.

A lot of people are followers by nature. They just want to be told: Here are the politicians you admire, and here are the ones you disdain; here are the people you worship, and here are the ones you disparage; here are the TV shows you like, and here are the ones you despise.

Times writers are like personal shoppers for people too lazy to form their own opinions. Just don’t imagine that this is good writing, comedy or art. But it’s not bad for something you can dash off in about 45 minutes!

COPYRIGHT 2015 ANN COULTER, DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK

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Ann Coulter
Ann Coulter is an American conservative social and political commentator, writer, syndicated columnist, and lawyer. She frequently appears on television, radio, and as a speaker at public and private events.
  • jfl

    I wonder what a few thousand shrinks would have say about the current POTUS?

    • Al Underwood

      They would say something like, he is the most important person in the world, he is a god among men, the second coming,

    • Laraine Yoss

      Google Obama and pathological narcissist and you will see!

  • Trump didn’t leave the liberal-progressive-Democrat-socialist-communist-atheist-party, he just couldn’t keep up with their rapid evolution.

    Too busy earning a living, paying his own way, enjoying the Blessings of Liberty provided by the Constitution, One Nation under God, indivisible …. oh wait, the liberal-progressive-Democrat-socialist-communist-atheist-party are split on whether God is still in their Party………

    • ClarenceDeBarrows

      After careful consideration of this insightful article by Ann Coulter, I’d say they are aggrieved over the issue.

    • Conservative Not Republican

      Didn’t they kick God out of their party at the DNC convention right before Obama was elected?

      • Well, they tried, not once, not twice, but three (3) times … but then the chair-person over ruled the voice SHOUT DOWN of GOD and ruled that the plank respecting God would stand……….

        ….. and God was listening and was not amused or surprised by the voices of the satanist among the Dem Party….

        • Conservative Not Republican

          Thanks for the clarification, I didn’t know what the final outcome was, so I figured it best to ask the question, rather than just assume something which I wasn’t sure of.

          I knew someone would have the answer. Thanks for your imput.

          • Sure, no problem …. that was quit a scene and I heard that the DNC had a fit when they learned that it was broadcast live…..while other factions of the party just said “F’m, they can just get used to it…”

            Although I register GOP for the primaries I’m a Constitutionalist, believing that “conservatives” carries the pragmatist baggage that can only make sense coming FROM the Constitutionalist starting point, and NOT added to it, when attending to exigent circumstances.

            I make those comments in reference to your screen name, with no disrespect implied or intended.

          • Conservative Not Republican

            I have to register as GOP in my state (Tennessee) also, since it is either or, and nothing else. So, since I do vote in every election, the only thing the technical registration does is get GOP junk mail sent to me.

            Though I am an independent, I have voted for the Constitutional party on several occasions. I left the Republican party (or maybe they left me) over a decade ago. I haven’t voted for a single incumbent since that time. That includes not voting for my Republican congressman (who’s been there 30 years), my two liberal Republican senators, or my Republican governor. I can’t trust any of them unfortunately.

            I am a firm believer in supporting the original concepts of the Constitution….those as outlined and explained by the writers or contributors themselves in the Federalist Papers. From my viewpoint, the vast majority of the problems of this nation can be traced directly back to ignoring much of those originalist intents of the Constitution, for the last century.

            I can pretty much bet that we would have far more areas of agreement than disagreement.

            Keep fighting the good fight!

          • I see no disagreements.

            My position is that the Constitution was written with 5,000 years of the history of all forms of governments in mind, from which only the best of the best and enduring aspects and policies were selected and fitted to form what was established, to ourselves and our posterity.

            Therefore I find it arrogant to depart from it, the original, in any way, noting that liberties of accommodations are made available throughout the whole without need of Amendments that fundamentally, expands or abridges any part, excepting the 1st 10 of course.

            The good fight never ends…….

          • Conservative Not Republican

            Well said sir. Well said!

        • Arizona Don

          When he made that ruling if you remember he was booed.

          • Yes, I remember it every day when ever I hear or read anything a Democrat has to say.

            It was / is hard to tell for sure whose was the larger group, the yae’s or nay’s, from the video audio, but the fact that the chair-person had to do it three (3) times it was obviously a close call.

            I would rather someone had called for a “roll call vote” so EVERYONE could have been individually on the record with their votes.

      • Arizona Don

        Now that you mentioned it yes they did try. Someday it will cost them dearly.

        • Conservative Not Republican

          I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried it again at the next convention too.

          Of course, when you’re dealing with libearls and God, it is clear that most…Obama would be a prime example…. just like using God for window dressing, not that they actually want God to be a part of their life or moral fiber.

          If they did, we wouldn’t have abortion or gay marriage.

  • scruffyleon

    The longer one stays a Conservative the clearer the mental problems of the Extremists on the Left become.

  • chefbob

    here is one some one should be talking about, if it were me or you we would be in Prison.

    THIS HAS BEEN
    > >
    > > > THOROUGHLY CHECKED. IT IS TRUE
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > For those of you who don’t know but at the
    > > very bottom of this article
    > >
    > > > the attorney who authored this article is John
    > > Wayne’s daughter, Aissa
    > >
    > > > Wayne, also a USC graduate.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Well, Well, Well, it looks like someone
    > > thoroughly checked this out! I
    > >
    > > > was wondering who was going to do
    > >
    > > > research into President Obama’s Social
    > > Security number.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Jean Paul Luwig (deceased) or Barack Hussein
    > > Obama?
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > SSN#042-68-4425
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > WOW, read this, it’s short and very interesting.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > An intensive 6-year investigation has revealed
    > > the identity of the man
    > >
    > > > whose Social Security Number (SSN) is being used by
    > > President Obama.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Jean Paul Ludwig, who was born in France in 1890,
    > > immigrated to the
    > >
    > > > United States in 1924, and was
    > >
    > > > assigned SSN 042-68-4425 (President Obama’s
    > > current SSN) rec’d on or
    > >
    > > > about March 1977.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Mr. Ludwig lived most of his adult life in
    > > Connecticut. Because of that,
    > >
    > > > his SSN begins with the digits 042,
    > >
    > > > which are among only a select few reserved
    > > for Connecticut residents.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Barack H. Obama never lived or worked in that
    > > state! Therefore, there is
    > >
    > > > no reason on earth for his SSN to start with the
    > > digits 042.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > None whatsoever!
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Now comes the best part! J. P. Ludwig spent the
    > > final months of his life
    > >
    > > > in Hawaii, where he died. Conveniently, Obama
    > > ‘s grandmother, Madelyn
    > >
    > > > Payne
    > >
    > > > Dunham,worked part-time in the Probate Office in the
    > > Honolulu Hawaii
    > >
    > > > Courthouse, and therefore had access to
    > > the SSNs of deceased
    > >
    > > > individuals.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > The Social Security Administration was
    > > never informed of Ludwig’s death,
    > >
    > > > and because he never
    > >
    > > > received Social Security benefits there were no
    > > benefits to stop and
    > >
    > > > therefore, no questions were ever raised.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > The suspicion, of course, is that Dunham, knowing her
    > > grandson was not a
    > >
    > > > U.S. Citizen, either because he was born in Kenya, or
    > > became a citizen of
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Indonesia upon his adoption by Lolo Soetoro,
    > > simply scoured the probate
    > >
    > > > records, until she found someone, who died
    > > who was not receiving
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Social Security benefits, and selected Mr.
    > > Ludwig’s Connecticut SSN for
    > >
    > > > her grandson Barry Obama.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Just wait until the head Birther himself, Donald
    > > Trump, gets past the
    > >
    > > > birth certificate and onto the issue of Barry O
    > > ‘s use of a stolen SSN.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > You will see leftist heads
    > > exploding, because they will have no way of
    > >
    > > > defending Obama.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Although many Americans do not understand
    > > the
    > >
    > > > meaning of the term “natural
    > >
    > > > born”, there are few who do not understand that
    > >
    > > > if you are using someone else ‘s SSN it is
    > > a
    > >
    > > > clear indication of fraud, and a federal offense.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Let ‘s all get this information out to
    > > everybody on our mailing lists.
    > >
    > > > If the voters of this great nation can succeed
    > > in bringing this lying,
    > >
    > > > deceitful, cheating,corrupt, impostor to justice it
    > > will be the biggest
    > >
    > > > and best news in decades for our country and the
    > > world.
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > If you can just say “oh well; ho hum”
    > > after reading this you get what
    > >
    > > > you deserve .
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > “In God We Trust.”
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Aissa Wayne
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > LAW OFFICES OF AISSA WAYNE
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > 30765 P.C.H., Suite 203,
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Malibu , CA 90260
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Tel : (310) 457-9999
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > Fax : (310) 457-0643
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > GET
    > >
    > > > OFF YOUR BUTT’S & PASS THIS ON TO AT LEAST 10
    > > OTHERS
    > >
    > > >
    > >
    > > > “Man is not free unless
    > >
    > > > government is limited” Ronald Reagan

    • Laraine Yoss

      Not new news but too many never checked him out. I have to wonder how he was ever vetted by the FB I. Also, no one ever questioned Pelosi about the need to sign to separate affidavits in 2008 as chairman of the DNC, one for Hawaii and one for the other 49 states! Why do you think she maneuvered DWS into the position after she got out? So add wipe could continue the cover up!

      • chefbob

        I realize it is not new but most people I have talked with still don’t know about it and once again why has nothing been done about it? that is the question, but then we know all this kinds of stuff never gets investigated right?

  • justinwachin

    I seem to read fewer of the big name papers as time goes on. I’ve grown weary of liberals who clamor for tolerance and then demonize those who disagree with them on an issue.

    At one time the newspaper editor was an influential figure in most towns. Nowadays most people would be unable to recognize the news media elites in public and fewer would see them as being intelligent or enlightened. Perhaps the Times should run an op-ed where one of their tortured souls makes the case for the continued relevance.

    • sox83cubs84

      Right on! I haven’t bought a Chicago Tribune or Sun-Times since Obama was elected. Both endorsed the terrorist sympathizer twice (expected for the Sun-Times, but shocking for the Tribune). Until a conservative Republican wins the presidency and the paper endorses him/her beforehand, I will continue to boycott both.

  • John Johnson

    Ann’s wrong… Republican voters are actually better educated than Democrats… sorry Ann, do your research…

    • Conservative Not Republican

      I think the larger point is that liberals love to brag about how educated they are as a way of proclaiming their assumed superiority. In other words, the liberal equates education with intelligence. Of course, if the liberals had any intelligence, they would know that education and intelligence are two completely different things.

      That glaring lapse of liberal logic aside, since the liberal believes themselves to be superior, they bestow upon themselves, via that self-proclaimed superiority, the authority to make decisions for you….regardless of whether you want them to or not.

      One can string all the letters they want after their name and still be dumber than a box of hammers. Conversely, one can have very little formal education and be absolutely brilliant in their thought processes.

      Whenever a liberal tells anyone how educated they are, all one has to do is point out that education and intelligence are not one in the same.

      • John Johnson

        I understand but still that statement is factually incorrect…

  • Val E. Forge

    If the Democratic Party were a reality TV show, it would be called “America’s Got Grievances!”

    shhhhhhhhh! You’ll give ’em ideas, Ann!

  • rhondareichel

    Ann fluffed Romney too….I don’t trust her judgement quite frankly.
    I want a constitutionalist….that’s not Trump (he is pro NSA, Kelo decision, & crony capitalism)
    Trump wants to continue funding Planned Parenthood….why no mention of that?
    I’ll vote for Rand Paul.

    • RETROBOB

      You are certainly free to throw your vote away.

      • rhondareichel

        and I’m certainly free to BLAME the idiots who vote for more status quo too
        My sense of fair play doesn’t allow me to swallow EXPEDITED immigration for law breakers

      • rhondareichel

        Even if you think you won and got Trump elected you will still lose. I’d rather vote my conscience and try to get a constitutionalist.
        We may both lose— but at least I can say I did the right thing for our country.

        • greyfox

          Is losing the right thing for your country?

  • rhondareichel

    How about sending our soldiers to die trying to take another country’s oil? Don’t we have plenty? We are exporting it.
    Obama propped up ISIS…none of our allies are bombing them…they are going after Assad.
    Get real Trump !

    • greyfox

      We cannot take another countries oil and we will not develop our own oil supplies. We will simply allow ourselves to return to the dark ages. We have more oil than we can use why don’t we develop it?

  • rhondareichel

    What depts. in our bloated govt. is Trump going to cut?
    Inquiring minds want to know
    Get back to us on that Ann

  • YES BLESSED ANN COULTER IS AMERICA’S JOAN OF ARC.

    • rhondareichel

      Ask Joan what we are supposed to do with the refugees from the Middle east then

      Enjoy your new neighbors

      WHAT DID PEOPLE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?

      a picture is worth 1000 words….see that boat full of refugees?

      We used to set quotas for immigration….but this blows that theory completely….We also had a refugee quota that was published every year but I guess that’s a forgotten practice.

      there are unintended consequences that voters failed to consider….and are still failing to.

      Knowing Obama, they might be INTENDED. Asylum is Obama’s favorite game,
      and he knows how to play it well. He did warn us he’d fundamentally transform us and that we are a Muslim nation. Now you see where that applies.

      CANDIDATES:

      Now Trump wants to charge off and take their oil? (selling at 40.00 a barrel —that’s not smart)

      All the others, except Rand Paul, also thinks it’s a great idea (????) I guess idiots will vote for them and then complain about the flood of refugees later, and not be able to figure out WHY they came here in the first place.

      Isolationism/ their term for non intervention should sound pretty good to Americans right now. I guess pundits won’t be throwing that term around much anymore when people start
      noticing the shift in demographics.

      We had better PAY ATTENTION TO THE FRUITS OF THESE POLICIES. (SEE PICTURE BELOW)

      Plus we get a whole other class of REFUGEE aside from the
      ones flooding us from the south, that will be even harder to
      assimilate. Oh Boy !

      War on Terror or on TAX PAYERS? Most of OUR SHARE these people will be on welfare soon.

      We really can’t complain when we elected those who support this policy.

      Ha ha ….and the Germans also think more war in the middle east will stop it????
      Stuck on stupid.

      Nobody who votes for these war Plmongers can complain to me about this because I will remind them. I have zero
      sympathy for the E.U. because they went along with it. Suckers
      (it won’t post the boat overloaded with refugees from Libya, Syria and Iraq but I’m sure you have seen those boats before)

      • carlosperdue

        Obviously she would say our “leaders” need to stop letting the “refugees” in. Which candidate do you think is going to do that? Rand Paul? Some Left”Libertarian”? Or one of the chamberboys for the “U.S.” Chamber?

        The wars have nothing to do with it, other than an excuse for the “cheap labor” traitors like Rand Paul to flood the country with even more “cheap labor”. We haven’t invaded Mexico or Latin America recently, yet they’re pouring in.

        “Nationbuilding” is idiotic. Saddam was standing on the necks of the bigger enemy. Trump knew that. But you think people will stop pouring in here if only we go isolationist? You’re dreaming. They will only stop pouring in when we halt the treasonous subversion of our most fundamental national defenses – our borders and immigration controls. We must cut immigration back to non-suicidal, pre-1961 levels, the way Eisenhower did – directly – by firing the corrupt officials, honoring his oath to faithfully execute. He reversed the invasion with just 1075 border patrol agents and a tiny budget. No e-verify, no high-tech surveillance, no national ID, no soviet-style exit visas, and no wall. He didn’t do it indirectly by pulling out of Europe or Japan or the Philippines or South Korea.

        Trump was against going into Iraq BTW, and he was right. But now that dumbo Bush and the neo”cons” F’d it up, it now has to be dealt with. His idea to grab Islamic State’s oil is refreshing.

        “We’re not going to fix your s**t, we’re going to take it.”

  • WHAT?

  • raymond898

    I DON’T CARE WHAT HIS POLITICS ARE – I AM TRUMP

  • Wayne Peterkin

    I love Ann Coulter and her books. But I do not grasp her love affair with The Donald. Trump says a lot of things I agree with. His rhetoric is refreshing in large part because it is not PC. My problem is that I’m not convinced the guy is truthful. I’m not sure he has a very positive character and that we can trust what he says. We have been severely damaged by a snake-oil salesman for the past 6+ years and we sure don’t need another one. Trump has changed his opinions, his stance on major issues, pretty dramatically over the years and owes all of us an explanation why he was so wrong then but has seen the light now. In other words, I want to see why I should trust him to stand by what he says. Frankly, I would like Ann to explain why she fell in love. Was it for a real person or an image?

  • sox83cubs84

    I’m not as infatuated by The Donald as Ann is, but he is turning the liberals, the drive-by media, and the GOP establishment upside-down with his growing popularity, his refusal to genuflect to the PC Police, and his take-no-prisoners approach to left-wing lunacy. I like what he brings to the table.

    • greyfox

      It’s going to take a rogue like Trump, love him or hate him, to turn this country around. Elect the establishment at your peril. Trump may be bombastic, arrogant, full of himself, egotistical and anything else you want to throw at him but he is Smart with a capital S. One more thing you can accuse him of….he is 100% American and 100% for America and Americans….Can Obama say that, can Hillary say that?

      • sox83cubs84

        Your final point is as true as it gets.

  • Clark Coleman

    Speaking of New York Times editorials, the Times wrote an editorial in 2007 in favor of a compromise amnesty for illegal immigrants, in which they would be deported but immediately given an expedited return status with permission to work. This is exactly the plan that Donald Trump favors today. That plan failed in Congress in 2007, luckily. Most of Trump’s supporters are not even informed as to what his immigration proposal is. But they are not policy wonks. What is Ann Coulter’s excuse? Has she not been keeping up with issues and positions?

  • Maria castro

    Go Ann, go. I am so disgusted with Jeb Bush “papelazo” speaking Spanish during the press conference! I guess he considers all those that speak Spanish and have reached the right to vote thru legal citizenship to be so stupid that they cannot understand, speak or write English? The rino establilshment are republicans in Name Only, definitively. I resent the term Hispanic, Latino, and whatever “sht” they decide to call us, I am American by naturalization, my language is English, otherwise I wouldn’t live here. At least for me, the establishment is as dead as the most liberal of liberals and Jeb Bush is a cheap unsaleable politician.

  • carlosperdue

    You forgot their best argument:

    “Donald *TRUMP*? … REALLY?”

    No one has ever been able to overcome that reasoning.

  • HughdePayens

    Ann your book Adios America is phenomenal…even more so than any of the other ones except perhaps Treason.

  • TransplantedTexan

    Given a choice, I would rather be an “less-educated” (I only have a MA and a JD), thinking conservative than a “more-educated” , low-information, liberal progressive who doesn’t have the common sense that God gave a turnip.